Shattered Endeavor
by KaleidoscopeOfWords
Summary: In which Sakura waits until she reaches the garden to show the world how broken she truly is, and in which Sasuke contemplates on just how many mistakes he's made. sasukexsakura
1. Sakura

**Shattered Endeavor **

The rain blurred the crumbled walls so that they looked _whole_. You would understand if you were here. I'll paint the picture for you as I sit down on a flat, stone slab.

There's a great, crumbling wall in a withering, dying garden. I won't go into details about the garden; it's dead. So, when the rain cascades from the sky, the garden looks alive again. The waterfalls come back as the stream fills with crystal clear water. There is no thunder, no lightning. Everything is pure and perfect. The most magnificent thing, as I mentioned earlier, was the way the rain blended the breaks in the concrete so the wall looked new, complete even. The rain made it look like you were squinting and it was together and whole again but your eyes are wide open so you know you _aren't _squinting and in the rain everything feels real as your mistakes are washed from your skin and you can't breathe and you let go, let your memories take you back and-

And then the silence, aside from the soft pattering of the rain, is completely shattered by the_ crack_ that split the sky. And then there's lightning and thunder and the storm picks up. Suddenly, the wall is invisible among the angry, swirling, pounding rain and wind.

My petal pink hair is whipped back in my face, and I can't breathe because for that one moment I had _everything_ and now it was ruined. I had the silence, the memories, the calm, clean feeling of rain against my skin. Nobody else knows what my life is like. In the blurring rain, I turn to my right.

"How come you never talk to me, Sasuke-kun?" I ask in a sweet, broken voice. I gaze hauntingly into the eyes of my love who is seated beside me. I receive no answer. But that's all right; typical Sasuke-kun.

I decide that I will talk to him as I usually do since he profusely refuses to answer me. In a soft voice that I reserve only for these days when I am away from work and alone with Sasuke-kun, I whisper, "I'm so glad you didn't leave me again. These visits are what keep me going. I mean, I know you can't stay. I just look forward to our meetings so much. I don't know what I would do without you."

I pause, not expecting an answer. I don't receive one.

"I really don't know what I would have done if you had left me hanging again," I repeat. I twirl my pale index finger in my hair which is cut short. I squeeze the water out. The rain has sputtered to a light, crisp shower, with crackling lightning strikes in the distance. I ponder my hair before speaking my thoughts out loud.

"I know you like long hair, Sasuke-kun, or that is what I've heard. But I've decided to keep my short. Really, Sasuke-kun, it's better that way. It doesn't get in the way when I'm out on missions and it most certainly is easier to manage in the mornings."

I kind of wished he would say something now. But I don't dwell on his silence. Maybe he can't help it. After all, he's already been so kind to come out here with me and secretly meet me in the rain and all. We do this kind of thing every so often. We always know when the other will be here, in our broken garden. I usually come here after my training. I remember when I used to train with Sasuke-kun. Instantly, memories of our younger days swirl around in my head. I tilt my chin upwards and slowly shake my head, hair sticking to my face as I close my eyes and remember. But the memories are vague now, and I can't pull one mission from another. I try to remember, I really do. But like it has been for quite some time, ever since I hit my head on a rock while on a mission to retrieve Sasuke-kun, I can't remember. My sharp, intelligent eyes that hold my knowledge of the world as it is today are for once guarded and vulnerable as I try to tap into the memories of the past. Everything is still jumbled. I sigh and focus my attention back to Sasuke-kun.

"Sasuke-kun, we should really head back now. I'm glad you got to see me." I want to stay longer, but I know that my mentor will be waiting for me. I rise to my feet with grace. I turn back to look at Sasuke-kun, but he is already gone. Probably already retreating into the forest to go find his awful, horrid mentor I hear the ninja talking about. I usually steer clear of conversations about Sasuke-kun. Especially when Naruto or Ino are around. They are the only two who know of my secret meeting with Sasuke-kun. But strangely, whenever I try to talk to them about it, they get all discreet and guarded and their eyes flash with pity. But why pity? I'm happy meeting Sasuke-kun. The real happiness I feel when I meet him is something that doesn't happen often.

"Goodbye, Sasuke-kun," I murmur into the rain. The wind picks up and slants the rainfall. I wonder if he can hear me as I add hesitantly, "I love you."

I turn to go, my eyes drifting once more over the garden. The rain picks up again. Funny, I thought the worst of the storm was over. I sigh at how much it resembles my life. Then I square my shoulders and become a new Sakura. I blink and my sweetly innocent, broken eyes become cold and hard. My lips set into more of a neutral frown. My raised eyebrows come to sit in a hard line above my newly constructed eyes. My shoulders tilt back, giving me an eerie, intimidating, unrecognizable confidence. I am so different than the girl that was sitting down moments ago. I take a deep breath when my mask finally sets, and I head back into the world I have learned to suffer within.

_Ino is there in the shadows with Naruto. She watches her best friend, tears rolling down her perfect creamy skin. _What has she become_, Ino thought, horrified, as Naruto nodded grimly. She couldn't believe she was seeing Sakura so vulnerable. Ever since she hit her head in a vicious battle with Sasuke, Ino had believed Sakura had completely transformed into a stoic, lifeless ninja. Now she watched Sakura talk as if a person was next to her._

_But the scary thing was, as Sakura addressed Sasuke-kun, she thought he was actually there beside her. But there was nobody with Sakura. It was just her and the rain. She was talking to _nothing_. Another sob shook Ino's body. She felt Naruto grab her hand as they both bent their heads closer so Ino could talk._

_"Naruto, how long have you know she comes out here and pretends Sasuke is… is… I don't know, _there_!" Ino gasped. She watched Sakura tilt her head back and shake her head slightly. _

_"Ever since the battle with Sasuke," Naruto replied, his voice heavy. He added in a whisper, "She hit her head pretty hard. Everyone thought she completely forgot about Sasuke. But she comes here often after her training. One day I caught the excitement in her eyes, and I hadn't seen it there since before she hit her head. I had to follow her, Ino, and this is what I found. She thinks Sasuke is there. She really does."_

_Ino turned away, and Naruto followed suit. "I just can't believe this is what it has come down to. Have you ever seen anyone so broken?"_

_Naruto bitterly shook his head. Sasuke had consumed his mind right then. Naruto hoped he was suffering too. He didn't mistake the obvious flicker of worry in Sasuke's eyes when Sakura hit her head. _

_It was even more obvious that Sasuke actually cared when Sakura's last words were his name before she blacked out, and he called her name back. For a fraction of a second, Naruto had thought Sasuke would go back to Sakura and try to help her._

_But Sasuke always was known for running away from everything good for him and chasing after everything bad. So, naturally, he left Sakura and the rest of his old teammates._

_"Let's go, Ino," Naruto finally said. He rubbed his temples. "Before Sakura notices we're gone."_

_Ino numbly followed as her heart broke for her friend who was living with something beyond a broken heart, a lost love. Sakura had lost her sanity. _

_For a brief moment, Ino paused. If there was a way to find him, to bring him back, to show him what he had done… would he finally see it? See how much she loved him? See how much she was suffering each day? Ino touched Naruto's shoulder and took a deep breath._

_"Naruto, what if…"_

Somewhere miles away, a man with raven hair sat in a tree alone, lost in thought, wondering what his life would be like if he hadn't made so many mistakes.

--

**AUTHORS NOTE: I may continue it. It does leave you hanging, I see. But I'm still debating on _how _I'd continue it, so until then it's going to stay this way. And there you have it. I must say, it's one of my more angsty pieces. But all the same, it's one of my favorites so that's why I decided to post it. I'll just have to see, I guess, if I'll have an inspiration for another part or two. Reviews are appreciated in any form. Thanks for reading. Xoxo, darkness turns to light**


	2. Sasuke

I hear her. I feel her. If I taste her, it's definitely my imagination, not my memory.

I never see her.

All the same, she's there.

My mistakes are palpable, hanging in the air haughntily for all to see. Usually its too dark for anyone to make them out, though. I only move at night. I've always been accustomed to shadows, had an odd affinity for them and darkness. Maybe that's why she follows me, trying to keep me out of it.

I don't listen.

I'm divulged in darkness; it's who I am. As I lay in the tree, my eyes directed towards the sky, I think of how truly lost I am. I'm nowhere closer in being content than I was a few years ago. I have nothing to prove from my lost endeavors, nothing to prove that's really worth anything more than a little pride and a lot self achievement. I don't think I'm wired the same way as I used to be. Something short-circuted in the process; something was ultimately lost.

When there's a movement behind me, I know it's her. I hear her voice above all things and especially crave her laughter, her innocence. While she used to come to me in those images, now all I can feel is the weight of her sorrow.

Sometimes she cries.

Sometimes she begs me to come back.

It's be easier if I could see her, if she were real. If she didn't come to haunght me in the middle of the night, where I rested with whatever she was and nightmares all in one.

She's laughing tonight.

And then she cries, too.

It's bittersweet. When she touches me, I want to cry, I think. But I never do. I brush off her touch, the fingers soft as petals trailing against my face and my arms. On the occasion I taste her, it's definitely like candy apples. Or that's how I imagine it. I reckon if it wasn't my imagination, she'd taste like sorrow and bittersweet apples, the sour ones that nobody wants.

When she opens her mouth, I can't take it.

My fist hits the trunk of the tree, a crack going across the forest and the bark exploding into the air. She runs away, at least for a little while.

I wonder what it would be like to go back.

I remember when I saw her in the last battle, when she hit her head. I'm pretty certain she's okay. I would know if she wasn't.

Part of me hopes she forgot me.

Part of me hopes if she didn't, she's moved on.

But there will always be that one part that hopes she hasn't.

Not that I'll ever return. It's just that greedy, self-centered part of me that everyone has that doesn't want others to have what they can't have. Why can't I have her?

Because, it's me of course.

And that's reason enough.

_"That's him."_

_ Ino simply stared. Her platinum hair was slicked back on her head, cracked with rain and sweat. Her face was paler and all the more perfect that normal. It was gaunter and more fragile and full of fear. And that's what made it more beautiful, in that broken sort of way._

_ And it was him, wrapped in the shadows, light licking at his feet but never succeeding in reaching any further. His raven hair was messy, and he looked like a mess. _

_ Naruto gritted his teeth, his blue eyes full of confidence and spited the messed-up world. He would never be taken by the darkness._

_ Maybe that's why Sasuke hated him so._

_ Maybe that's why Sasuke needed him._

_ "So drug him? How does this work?" Ino whispered, her voice all jitters and determination._

_ Naruto took a step forward._

_"She doesn't believe me," Naruto said, his voice colored with disbelief. He sunk into a chair at Ino's side and buried his face into the palms of his hands. "After all these years..."_

_ Ino doesn't really find the need to say anything. She places a hand on Naruto's shoulder and sits for a while, quiet and calculating and beautiful. And then she leaves, silently and elegantly, placing her feet knowingly one in front of the other and sweeping across the room._

_ And she finds Sakura._

_ She will not take no for an answer._

**xx whadddup, story? yeah, i felt like i needed to tie up loose ends. so another chapter? yeaaahp.**

**promise it won't take me ages to get it up!**

**this is kind of irrevelant to the storyline as of now sooo, yeah. uh, yeah. **

**happy belated thanksgiving!**


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